I learned some things today about what is acceptable & unlawful in the land of sauerkraut & schnitzel....
First, it is against the law to spank a child - not that I am planning on beating my future children, but coming from America this is different and interesting to me. The children here seem very independent too and I wonder how the two correlate as you might think that a very well behaved child is also a strictly disciplined child.....just something to ponder.
Secondly, kids can run around and scream at the top of their lungs, can kick a ball around until the noise makes you want to rip out your hair, and can climb all over the trains like monkeys. They can do all of these things with out being scolded and there is nothing anyone can or will do about it because it is believed that 'kids need to be kids'. Please don't imagine a bunch of children running the streets being annoying and rambunctious - although I have witnessed some very irritating children on the train that made me wonder what the hell was going on. I agree that kids need to be kids and they need time and space to do so and I find it to be a great that society protects this belief. On the flip side, there have been one or two times when I've wanted to ask some wild children to settle down, but I guess it would not have mattered anyway.
Maybe I find these differences interesting because I am expecting my own child and I've been reading a lot about raising children. Food for thought for now!
Well I am an American of German ancestry and my family believes and still uses the old iron German discipline. In america it is called child abuse. I will admit it is harsh. However I will subject my children to it. I see too often how kids run over their parents cause of the lack of discipline. I could never imagine doing that to my own parents. And I won't tolerate my own children doing it to me. My children will be very respectful to all adults and be obedient little soldiers. My kids will be the envy of other parents.....
ReplyDeleteI had no idea it was unlawful in Germany to swat your child's bum. My daughter ran off into a crowd of strangers today and when I recovered her I gave her a quick tap on the butt and explained to her it was dangerous to do and she needed to stay near me to be safe. I heard the intake of breath from a woman near me and when I looked up her eyes were wide, it took me by surprise. I did not in any way hurt my child, it wasn't any more than a tap to get her attention. The woman came up to me and called me a name, which was shocking to me. It was a clash of cultures. My daughter was fine and was just as happy as she normally is. If the woman had known me she would have known that I am a very loving mother. I do not beat my child. Whenever I need to reprove her I make sure she knows how much I love her. Most of the time when my daughter needs correcting a time out is my method of choice but if the situation is dangerous an immediate action is called for to correct the behavior and sometimes in the situation time outs are not feasible. You should never hurt a child but a tap on the but is not abuse. Children need boundaries and clear consequences for their actions just as much as they need love. I didn't need to be called names for my method of parenting I just needed to understand what is and is not acceptable in our current location just like my daughter needs to know what is expected of her before receiving correction of her mistakes. Now after this culture clash I know the law and I have no problem abiding by it.
ReplyDelete@ Anonymous - I am sorry to hear about your experience. I've learned that Germans have no problem telling you when you are doing something wrong. I have even watched older women scowl at my friend for giving her a bottle of formula! I scowled back. All parents have there own methods of raising a child, but to be immersed in a new culture and learn there norms adds a new layer of complexity. I say, let the German rebuke roll off your back, we will all learn as we go.
DeleteChildren here, at least in Frankfurt, have far more spatial freedom it seems. A difference I noticed immediately. When we came for our housing visit, we were stunned to see young children walking by themselves to school or the park. Even walking on the side walks I've learned that children have the right of way.
Best of luck to you!
Cheers!